March 07, 2012

Blog shy.

I hate when this happens.

I want to give y'all words to read. Lot of them. Sometimes I sit down at my laptop, fully ready to type out a story.

Then I end up sitting there, staring at a blinking cursor, shooting down every sentence. I second guess everything. Am I sounding too self-righteous? Will this actually resonate with someone? I second guess myself all the way to closing my laptop and going to bed.

I get blog shy. 

So I hide behind pictures and a couple of poorly constructed sentences. Afraid to share what I really think about a lot of things. 

Afraid to put my name behind something in fear of alienating people. Afraid to be anything but PC.

Lame.

I almost feel as if I need a fresh start, a new introduction, so that people know what they're getting themselves into. Because I'm tired of hiding behind my pictures. I want to write words. 

I want to talk about my faith and the long, excruciating process of rediscovering it. I want to talk about how I think that "me time" is a myth. I want to talk about how I learned to love my role as a mom and wife. I want to talk about what a spoiled, rotten person I was once upon a time. But those things require me to be real. And to stand behind my own words.

That's what's on my mind today.

....

Here's a pretty picture.


17 comments:

  1. I can totally relate to this....my new motto is "go with your gut"! Get out from behind your pictures and write - I ain't going anywhere - I'll read and comment, I promise! Happy Wednesday :-)

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    1. Thanks, Lauren! I'm gonna try to "go with my gut." Hopefully it doesn't get me in trouble!

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  2. Well I'm all ears!! And would probably understand most of what you say and if I didn't i would probably learn something new (maybe even about myself) and either way...I'm not going anywhere LOVE your blog...live your honesty and adore how you capture honest natural beauty!

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  3. I'd love to hear about those things.

    I've followed your blog for a year now (or so), and I find you have a way to put words down in a way that makes me think about stuff. A beautiful and inspiring way.

    Being a woman who'd very much like to be a mom someday soon and being a woman to whom faith is something big I'd love to hear what you think about it all. About how you got there where you are now. What you really think. But it's hard, I'm sure; usually we people give just 90 % to each other and keep the 10 % to ourselves. Which ends up us being somewhat plastic to each other. I've been thinking about it too, although I don't blog so much myself anymore. It's hard to say stuff, real stuff, whether it's words on a blog or spoken words.

    But I believe that a revolution could happen if someone started it. What if someone was courageous enough to show that "this is me" and others would find the courage too... That's what I long for. Being real and having real people around me. I'm guessing a lot of stupid fears and social phobias might come crashing down when we'd see we are all just humans after all. Giving full 100 %.

    So please: write. I'll be reading.

    Kaisa from Finland

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    1. That last paragraph, Kaisa..very true. :) thank you for your kind words, dear.

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  4. You are not alone my friend! I too often find myself blog shy. But you know what? Those things you just listed, rediscovering faith, me time myths and motherhood are all things I would love to hear about. Think about it. We're here to read when you're ready.

    Happy Wednesday :)

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    1. I'm so glad I'm not the only one! And happy Thursday to you! :)

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  5. I'm with ya girl! I have a hard time writing about my life lessons, trials and tribulations. It's much easier to post pictures. I applaud you for putting yourself out there in this post though, keep it up. I'll keep reading!

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  6. I know the negative comments sting, but really, those are so much easier to fling around than positive comments. It's so easy to say something sucks or is offensive without giving justification. Giving praise, and actually meaning it... now that takes thought, effort, and a genuine spirit you really don't find that often on these here internets. Just because you get a few negative nancies here and there doesn't mean you don't have hundreds of other readers open and willing to connect with you. I say go for it, and if you're worried about backlash... I can promise you that you'll still have plenty of readers. Yes. I promise.

    To quote one of my favorite movies... "Don't let the haters stop you from doing your thang!"

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    1. LOL! You're so right. Flinging poop (as I say) is so much easier than giving praise sometimes. thank you for reading. :)

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  7. Man, I miss your tumblr. I felt you were a little more "real" there. I related to you a lot better there.

    But I can also appreciate your efforts in trying to be more positive and PC, too. I feel you there. I'm trying myself, but ain't very good at shushing up the inner sailor in me. 8)

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    1. Change is the only constant, ya know? The girl who started her tumblr two years ago was a miserable specimen of human being. I've grown tremendously since then. And I think my shift in attitude definitely reflects that. :)

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    2. Totally! And I can relate; I am definitely not the same person I was now. Having children definitely changes that.

      I'm happy for you, though - that you're happy. And I'm glad I found you on blogspot so I can stalk you and your beautiful photos again. :]

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  8. When you do get to writing about those things, I'll look forward to reading them! Seriously, can't wait to hear about the "me time" myth!

    I don't think being "real" will hurt your reader base. If anything, I think it will make it stronger.

    Would I be wrong in thinking that the people you want reading, will be the kind who appreciate your honesty? Anyone who responds negatively to YOUR blog and YOUR views doesn't have to stick around. Plain and simple.

    Myself, I read your blog because you've grown in such a good example of a healthy human being. I'm a bit of a spoiled, rotten person myself these days. It's not something that I can turn around overnight, it's a lengthy journey. And I sincerely believe that some of your insights have helped me to process things in a different light, have helped me to grow and become a better human being too.

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  9. I at once thought I wasn't blogging for myself.. I changed up my blog. And while I still am trying to figure out a design - I can at least say everyday I write for me.

    Although, I have the rest of being drafts because I felt fake. So i had the reverse problem.

    Although, photos are good.

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